Remember Me? Lets do this.

Alright.

First of all, if you have NOT seen Remember Me a) you should do so immediately b) you MAY not want to read this. I will not spoil major plotlines. All of these photos have been online forever now. But I'm just sayin. Consider yourself warned.

Ok - lets do this.

So I have essentially been waiting for this movie since I first saw photos creepin online from the set in NYC. You know - around the same time our lovely Rob nearly got killed by a taxi cab when crazy fan girls attacked him? Anyway - its been a grueling past year waiting for this movie to be released because as much as I love Rob as Edward Cullen, I hate to say it, but we all know he is sooo much better than that.

There. I said it.

I do love me some Edward Cullen. I do think Rob is ridiculously hawt as Edward Cullen (more so in Twilight than New Moon -dont hate me- and it appears even hotter in Eclipse) I just know that Rob is so much better than all of the cheesy dialogue and brooding glares they force him to do in the Twilight Saga movies. You KNOW you agree with me. Let's be honest.

So March 12th finally arrives and I have one of my besties by my side to share in the experience. I owe her major thanks because this girl refuses to watch sad movies. Last sad movie she watched in theatres? Step Mom. Has she seen The Notebook? Nope. I'm being totally serious here. I can't make this stuff up. And I mean, really, who HASNT seen The Notebook? And even if you haven't seen Remember Me yet - chances are you have heard that it is SAD as FUCK.

So to my lovely B - thank you thank you thank you for being my date on Friday. Thank you for snagging us wicked seats while I stood in line for popcorn. Thank you for sobbing with me in the theatre. And thank you for keeping your mouth shut unless it was appropriate to do so. Unlike the french bitches in front of us who frequently felt the need to giggle and comment out loud about what was going down in the movie. You are SO much cooler than that.

Ok - on with my review.


Exhibit A

Dear Rob
Please wear these white vneck undershirts in every movie.
You are ridiculously sexy in them.
You made book sorting tantalizing and that is NOT easy.

Exhibit B

I don't smoke.
I've never had a cigarette in my life. True story.
I usually don't find smoking attractive.
But Rob - holy jesus.
*flails*
Those lips around the hundred cigs you smoked in that movie?
*dies*
And you totes smoked hundreds because B even said
towards the end of the movie, she could smell you.
And you smelled smoky.
True story.

Exhibit C

Dear Ruby,
You are like the cutest child actress ever.
And you made me cry your fair share of times in this movie.
Good work.

Exhibit D

I cannot talk about what happens following this scene.
STILL traumatized.
I can say that Rob holding a child's sleeping bag *kills* me.
Like ovary explosion inducing.

Exhibit E

I'm going to try my hardest to get to NYC this summer.
And when I do.
I am getting the perfect picture on THIS in Central Park.
Afterwards, I will sob remembering this movie all over again.

Exhibit F

B and I may have uttered "ewww" during this scene.
Because yes, that bathtub was filthy.
if my boyfriend had that bathtub, I would NEVER shower at his place.
Unless of course he looked like Rob.
I could get over fungus for a Rob.

Exhibit G

Umm first of all.
I wish I looked that hot in nothing but a guy's hoodie.
Damn you Emilie and your tiny, skinny legs.
Except not, because I love you dearly.

Second of all.
What happened after this?
Holy God.
*flails*

Exhibit G

I think B and I momentarily died during the sex scenes.
I mean how could you not.
You know you will not see that shit in Breaking Dawn.
THIS movie KNOWS what love scenes are all about.
And that screencap above?
Yup - my favorite sex scene of all time. Hands down.

Exhibit H

Making out against a wall?
ALWAYS a good time.

Exhibit I

My only complaint about the movie?
I was totally DYING to see this scene.
Ever since these photos leaked this summer.
The fact that it lasted for like 0.5 seconds?
Epic disappointment.
*sobs*

Exhibit J

Did Rob say 'I love you' to her before she said 'I love you too?'
I'm assuming he did. You now - if she said "too"
Because B and I could not keep our mouths shut at this point.
I seriously thought I was about to have a heart attack.
So you know - you alert a friend to this fact.

So did I love this movie? Absofreakinglutely.

Am I going to see it again tomorrow night? Ummm - yes totally.

Will I cry even more the second time? Guaranteed.

Does Edward totally underwhelm me now that I've seen Rob as Tyler? hate to say it -YES

Do I want to fall hard like these two? Oh Jesus yes

So please.

Do yourself a solid and go see this movie.

I swear to you. You will not be disappointed. Maybe depressed and traumatized. But certainly not disappointed.

And for anyone out there doubting Rob's abilities? Just saw this on Twitter about Rob:

@huffingtonpost "if he can open RM to $8.3mil all by himself,
he may just be a movie star"