Saturday, April 24, 2010

H'ok let's do this!

*Warning this post includes several more cuss words than usual. If you have seen the Eclipse trailer than you know why. If you proceed consider yourself warned*

Ok so yesterday was a really awesome day. For several reasons. My entire day seemed to fall into place perfectly. Morning walk with B followed by lunch at Cora's where I had THE smallest glass of tomato juice I have ever seen in my life.

and I used to feel jipped ordering tomato juice on airplanes

My excitement had been brewing all week leading up to Oprah's reveal of the new Eclipse trailer. Because sometimes I feel we are super privileged to be in the Atlantic Time Zone and get to see television shows earlier than the rest of North America, GO East Coast!, I naturally assumed WE would get to see Oprah first; at two o'clock. APPARENTLY, unbeknownst to myself and many other confused Twihards on Twitter, Oprah is on like super early in the morning in Chicago, East Coast FAIL. Stuck in traffic on the way home from a very soccer mom morning with B, no I don't actually have kids, I realized the trailer was already online and then proceeded to nearly cause several accidents and braved a speeding ticket to high tail my ass home and to my computer.

Twilight first THEN traffic laws. Right?

So what exactly DID I think of the new trailer? I both LOVED it and was disappointed in it - but hey notice I only capitalized the 'loved' it so clearly that was the greater consensus. Now before I get into a play by play screen cap analysis of why I both loved and disliked it, let me just say that the root of my disappointment was that it was about a minute shorter than it should have been. Come on Summit. It's the SECOND trailer and that's all you can give us?

PLEASE. I know you are re-shooting some of it but really? Did you not have any other Edward and Bella smut you could throw our way? Some LEGHITCH? Because we all saw those leaked photos. Some studio guy learnt his lesson not to screw the girl who controls unreleased stills of the movie and then not promote her, didn't he?

And no, that's not what happened. no, i'm not speculating. no, i have no idea WHO leaked those leghitch photos. yes, i am making that shit up. yes, whoever leaked the photos is awesome. ass covered? yes?

Ok before I start any further rumors about Summit, shall we?

I say lets start with...


oh hai Eclipse Edward
have I told you lately how much hotter than New Moon Edward I think you are?

This might shock some of you but I really didn't like New Moon Edward. Hate me if you will but hear me out. He looked DEATHLY all the time. Yes to the smart asses who are all "but he's a vampire!" I obviously KNOW he's a vampire and therefore dead. That doesn't mean he has to look like he belongs on a morgue slab all the time. He didn't look dead and buried in Twilight and it doesn't look like he's going to look embaumed in Eclipse. Is embaumed even a word? Whatever. Edward finally hot again in Eclipse? WIN.

"jacob stay the fuck away from bella"
is what real life edward not created by stephanie meyer would say

Edward finally found his missing balls and is kicking ass and taking names. WIN

oh hi are you new here?

Ok I don't really remember Riley from the books and that could have a lot to do with trying to get through four books as fast as humanly possible. Yes - I was a late Twihard circa summer of 08. But I'm liken the Riley. WIN

Its not a Twilight Saga trailer unless Alice is saying something cheesy

Ok one thing this trailer was seriously lacking - other than the obvious Edward and Bella smut - was Alice. I LOVE Alice. I want her to be one of my besties. True Story. ANYWAY. I think Alice's hair style in Eclipse is def my fave so far: WIN Lack of Alice in the trailer: FAIL

this was on a movie poster once...
for Wild Things

All I can say about this is that it scared the shit out of me. WIN

As did this. David Slade you "slayed" me. ha ha ha. See what I did there?

Little known fact, I have a crazy fear of dead people coming out of the water. I blame it on an episode of Are you Afraid of the Dark. When I was a kid, swimming in the ocean in the summer, sometimes my eyes would play tricks on me and I'd think I'd see dead bodies and pretty much start screaming under water and drowning. Or if algae brushed against my leg I'd think it was a hand. I know what you're thinking and no, I actually had a pretty normal non traumatizing childhood thanks and I happen to love the ocean. I have a hard time with lakes tho. I blame the Friday the 13th movies.

For someone who was so barely in the books that I hardly remember him, you're sure in this trailer an awful lot there Riley but you're hot and you're wet so: WIN

Ok - so I don't even remember the Volturi being in Eclipse. I'm starting to think I suffered a concussion shortly after completing it. I did read in the bathtub a lot. Slipped and hit my head?

Anyway is it just me or does this shot make it look like the Volturi came over to Washington on a boat? Because I sort of always pictured the Volturi travelling in THIS:

they may not have state of the art elevators.
their fashion might be totally lame.
but that doesn't mean they don't have their own jet.

So while I love Alice's hair in this trailer, the same cannot be said for Jasper.


WTF I'm seriously prepared to see THIS in Breaking Dawn. FAIL

True story. I met this beautiful intelligent girl when I lived in Las Vegas who was fuck buddies with Carrot Top. I could never look at her the same again.

Ok so the trailer may have been lacking Alice but it did give us THIS:

Cartwheels over werewolves?
Seriously why aren't you real so we can be besties?

Alice cartwheeling over werewolves and taking names? WIN

And then there was THIS fuckery:

bella you should learn to see the ring before you say yes

I'm not even going to go there. That ring is hideous and it looks like the kind of item that is so meaningless your mother lets you play with it for costume jewelry.

Dear Edward, Are you sure your mother didn't say 'Edward - take this for when your adoptive sisters try to dress you up like a girl' and not 'Edward - give this to your wife'?

Seriously its a good thing you're hot. Engagement ring of epic disappointment? FAIL.

I see waist skin

How do you know a guy is a keeper? When he pushes giant ass trees down to save your ass. Edward Cullen finally not acting like a pansy? WIN

Ok almost there. This trailer had a lot of wolf action in it. In their animal form and not their jort form which is ALWAYS a good thing.

By the way - if you are scratching your heard wondering what the hell I am talking about when I say "jort" its those stupid jeans turned into shorts the wolfpack wore in New Moon. Be glad you're clueless about jorts.

But yes - I was getting really sick of all the six pack action getting shoved down my throat leading up to New Moon. They aren't Edward and therefore I don't care.

can you just stay like that, all the time please?
you know, in wolf form?

Some people are saying that the wolves look better in Eclipse. Maybe my vision is just bad but I really didn't see much of a difference. Maybe when they meant better they were agreeing with me that wolf form trumps jort six pack form.


The only reason I can overlook that hideous piece of costume jewelry Summit calls an engagement ring:

So yes - I loved the trailer because I think the newborns look freaking amazing, Robward is gorgeous again, and the whole dark epic scariness to it slays me. Am I disapointed because Bella was hardly in the trailer, a character that I dont even remember from the book was in the trailer more than Edward and I did not even get a FRAME of the leghitch scene? Yes. Will I live to see another day over this disapointment? Obviously - I can't die without seeing the leghitch.

So what did YOU think of the new Eclipse trailer? Did it make you squeal? Did you use your work computer that's only for work use to check it out? Did you in turn get fired? I want to hear YOUR Eclipse reaction story.

And on a final note, I'm starting to discover that there are a lot of people reading my blog who don't have blogspot accounts! Please leave some comment love anonymously and sign your name! Or stay anonymous! I don't care! I just want to know you exist out there!



Jayde said...

Oooh, thanks for the screen caps!
So far I've only seen the trailer twice, both times on my iPhone. Why? Our interet is sloooooooow. Sadface. Um, the ring. Sigh. It IS how SM described it. However she also described a LOT of fashion and accessories in horrific manners that I chose to ignore completely and make up my own version. The ring was one of them. I LOVE antique-looking rings (future fiance: take note!) and so I always pictured something like this: except gold. I also like this for me (again, future fiance, TAKE NOTE). NM Ed was rather un-hot. Except when he was half-nekkid. Mmm-mm-mmm! But Eclipse Ed looks fiiiiiiine. I, too, heart Alice and want to be besties with her. Jaspy's hair? Oh dear. I miss his Twi hair and his mad bat skills. Sadface. Riley is played by Xavier Samuel. Who is Australian!

Jayde said...

Fuck. Don't think that link worked. Try this one:

C r y s t a l said...

Oh that ring is gorgeous! see that is totally something I pictured for Bella! There are plenty of gorgeous antique rings that would have been better than the one Summit picked!

JWink22 said...

the last pic on ur post...the shot of Edward's face when he asks Bella to marry him, yeah that one. I seriously rewinded the trailer a 100x at that moment just to see that look he gives her. I would not be able to form coherent thoughts.

On a side note, I totally drag my brother into all this Twilight stuff. He watched Twilight with me the first time I saw it. He said he thought it was pretty good (which he will now deny with every fiber in his being). Anyway, I always try (operative word being "try") to show him all the new trailers and stuff. He always gives me the, "I don't give a shit look." But when I showed him the new Eclipse trailer he actually said, "The New Moon actually looked better." o0???? Excuse me? Did we just watch two different trailers or what? Whatev. And yes, he will probably be dragged to see Eclipse with me (just like he was for New Moon) because he loves me ;-)