Monday, June 7, 2010

MTV Movie Awards - or as some are calling it. New Moon Awards.


I realize for a lot of the planet, last night's MTV Movie Awards were really disappointing. Probably even maddening. And I totally get it. Give power to the thirteen year old Twihards worldwide and they will completely fuck over any award show by voting a hundred times a day.

Did I vote? Yes.

Obsessively? No.

Why? I don't have patience to delete cookies and shit so I can re-vote every minute of the day.

But as one of the besties declared when Twilight was minutes shy of winning Best Movie, IT WAS MY NIGHT.

Let me tell you why and I warn you of two things:

1) This post is PICTURE HEAVY. But it took me at least three hours and a notepad of notes, so at least admire the pretty. And comment the shit out of it. Kthx.

2) In case you didn't notice. the word fuck was used A LOT last night. in celebration of the awesomeness that was last night, it will be used A LOT in this post too.

Let's begin with the main reasons WHY I fucking LOVED last night:

1) Aziz Ansari
I LOVED this guy.

RKelly Avatar rap? Killed me.
"RKelly was suppose to rap about avatar... but he missed his flight
because he was watching avatar"

And yes. Fuck you BP.

Swaggar Coach?
"Anytime you see a glowing red heart over a vagina,
you know Tavon is near."

I want this guy EVERYWHERE in my life now.

Kristen was having NOTHING to do with the popcorn statue.

Do you really blame her after all the shit people gave her for dropping it last year? To those people I ask, "have you never dropped something before?" What? You haven't? You're perfect? Bullshit.

3) There was so much Robsten, I probably suffered brain damage from lack of oxygen flow.

4) We got to see epic cuteness like THIS for two hours.


So here, in painful detail is the official take me to bliss 2010 MTV MOVIE AWARDS dedication post.

The cast of Jersey Shore responsible for the Red Carpet pre-show?

WHO'S FUCKING GENIUS IDEA WAS THIS. I lost brain cells last night. Like valuable ones that I wanted to keep. I have never watched the show. I will never watch the show. And I really wanted to see Snooki even try to get her hands on Rob so Kstew could bitchface the shit out of her before starting a throw down. TRUE STORY.

do not underestimate the kristen bitchface

The Les Grossman opening?

I realized I kinda might be able to forgive Tom Cruise for the Oprah stunt years ago. I also realized Rob is still fuckhawt in a pornstach.

KStew winning Best Actress:

Duh. Did you really think for two seconds that she wouldn't? She is Kristen Fucking Stewart and I was a proud fangirl.

You know who else was pretty damn proud?

those FINGERS - *flails*

Note to Every Woman on the Planet: Do not settle for anything less than a guy who looks at you like that.

Anna Kendrick winning Best Breakthrough Actress

As much as I wanted this, I did not expect this. It only further proves, even if you are not nominated FOR twilight, if you've dipped your toes in that franchise pool you are fucking golden.

cause of death:
1) epicness.
2) the realization I may actually like Tom Cruise again

Robsten winning BEST KISS

I am not going to lie. I was hyperventilating at this moment in the show. So naturally when they won, I stopped breathing for a good ten seconds.

Of course she tripped. I loved that she tripped. And I love that she curled herself into Rob afterwards. To the Nonstens: you do not do that to someone you are NOT infatuated with.

And I love love LOVE this shot. This is anything but awkward.

And this...

Followed by that....


there is just something about that finger

I love these two SFM.

I don't care if on stage it was awkward. hey haters - it was MEANT to be awkward. That's how they roll. And its like someone on Twitter said. I think some people out there honestly would not be happy unless these two started screwing on the podium. DEAL.

I can't even comment on THIS:
I just can't. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm blinded by the baby oil, bright colors, blue hair, and my breasts which are aching at the thought of being that squished into a top.

Was PERFECT. Team Sandy FTMFW. She looked stunning. She was hillarious. She owned it. And somewhere out there Jesse James hated himself. Good work Sandy.

The Twifecta Presents Eclipse Clip:

you know what. this post is going to be long enough as it is. i'm going to save THAT for another post but I will tell you I LIKED it.

Rob winning BEST ACTOR AND Global Superstar

Rob - I thank your parents every day for conceiving you too. Dick and Clare did GOOD.

I don't talk about people who wear flashing hearts over their vagina....

So moving on.....

The most coveted award....

I'm not going to lie. I wanted The Hangover to win this. Simply because that movie makes me laugh so hard I cry.

But Peter Facinelli - when you spoke on behalf of the cast last night and accepted this award, YOU made me laugh so fucking hard I cried. Who knew your mouth could be so dirty?

And immediately after you did THIS:

Which is seriously so cute I could die.

And THAT was the 2010 MTV Movie Awards. You know - from my eyes. Which were totally blinded by Rob and Kristen's combined hotness and my brain cells, well, they were fucked over by Jersey Shore.

I leave you with these thoughts:

Did you know the F-Word was used 122 times last night?
Who has carpel tunnel today?
Yes. The Censor Person.

Did you REALLY think they weren't going to win EVERYTHING?
Never underestimate the fans.

end note: that may be one of my favorite kstew pics ever. just sayin.


Jayde said...

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! SO MUCH FUCKIN WIN!!!!
No idea who that Aziz dude is but he is hilaaaaaaarious!!! He can SO totes host again!
Robsten? Fuck yes.
To think I used to be an I-Don't-Give-A-Fucksten. Actually I think I still am . . . but since I'm definitely not opposed to them, I think we can make an exception for me, oui?
Dude. The semi-non-kiss was TOO CUTE!! And I didn't see her trip!!!! Devo. Gonna have to YouTube that shit. Rob was just . . . fuck me. SRSLY. Way hot. And yes, those hands and fingers! Never ever found aguys hands to be hot til I found Rob. Sigh. Sandy Bullock, God bless her. Fucking love her. She just keeps reminding us why everyone loves her (and rightfully so) and why that cockhead husband of hers is . . . well, a cockhead. And best movie? I love me some PFach like woah. I mean, the man is fucking gorgeous. And the fact that he said fuck a shitload of times? *DEAD* from awesomeness overdose. And his KStew hug!! Way cute!!! I totally "awwwwwwwww!"ed out loud.

JWink22 said...

I was at the beach while watching this. Trying to refresh Twitter every .2 seconds and watching the tv was not good. I couldn't keep up. 1.) Seeing the first camera shot of Rob and Kristen sitting together-pure happiness! 2.) Seeing KStew touch Rob's tummy on the way to accept her award was priceless....little moments like these give us butterflies. As soon as this happened, I told the bf, "ppl are gonna flip over that!" 3.) At one point my bf stood in front of the tv and I yelled, "MOVE!!!!" lol. He didn't appreciate that too much. 4.) When they won best kiss, I literally was jumping on the bed squealing. The whole thing was awkwardly awesome!

Luved ur post as usual!

Anonymous said...

Award shows are a waste of time.

John Goodman