Total Eclipse of my Heart

As promised – the casino was obviously not held up and I was not kidnapped by Danny Ocean – I am about to give you the official take me to bliss Eclipse rant post.

I realize it has been two weeks since the fateful night most of us went to the midnight showing but really – are YOU sick of talking about it?

Didn't think so.

And my promise to you is that I will TRY to keep this from dragging on forever like that damn kiss between Bella & the Puppy.

Shall we?

the opening

maybe this is not from the opening
but riley is hot - so its totally ok

Riley.... The Black Keys.... I was dying.

First of all, 'Chop & Change' is my 2nd favorite song on the Eclipse soundtrack. You know – after “Heavy in your Arms” which didnt even play in the movie. Credits my ass. That song would have OWNED it in so many scenes. Yes im still pissed i'll get over it one day.

Secondly, could Riley (Xavier Samuel) BE any hotter? I don't think so. If he was any hotter, I would forget Rob existed and that would be a bad thing because well – Rob is just the hottest and that is all.

Clearly the Puppy had no clue what the hell he was talking about when he said “after all – I am hotter than you.” SCREW YOU PUPPY.

Woah – what was I saying?

the meadow

the way she grabs his neck as they mack it?
I die

The popcorn I purchased? It got put to the floor pretty damn fast. I could NOT concentrate on putting things in my mouth while those two were looking cute as fuck on the big screen before me.

Edward practically begging her to marry him? Really Bella? Really?

This scene particularly killed me because I have always said that when someone proposes to me one day, they better not say 'will you marry me.' Just plain 'marry me' is SO much more passionate. Because when you KNOW someone is your soulmate, there should be no uncertainty there whatsoever. TakemetoBliss Romance 101.

Team Charlie

Charlie FTMFW. I have always loved Charlie. I LOVE Kristen and Billy's chemistry.

The sex talk? Priceless. Only those two could have delivered that so damn well.

And when Charlie stood proudly clapping for Bella at graduation? I started sobbing. True Story.

Lunch With Vampires

I had hoped for some humans and Cullens cafeteria interaction in New Moon. You know – Jessica Stanley chomping on a celery stick while Edward pretends to eat a celery stick.

This scene did NOT disapoint in Eclipse. And Anna Kendrick's delivery of the line

“I've never seen your house.”

literally killed me.

Puppy Hangs Out In Parking Lots Creepin

Sure I could have put a photo of the Puppy
But Edward is so much hotter - remember?

I dont know about YOUR high school but where I come from there were usually teachers on duty to shoo away sketchy looking characters hanging out in the parking lot waiting for unsuspecting teenage girls to show up.

Regardless, the music in this scene was absolutely perfect. And really the music in EVERY scene of this movie was perfect.

La Push - Land of Un-fit Werewolves

the jorts are out of control in this picture

Wait did they go to La Push? I wouldn't know. I tend to “blank out” in those scenes.


Imprinting aka Bestiality


Have you ever tried to explain imprinting to anyone you know who hasn't read the books? Does it make you feel dirty just talking about it?

Good. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

Moving On.

Doesn't He Own A Shirt?

*dead*

Seriously. If his shirtlessness makes you mack it with Bella like THAT? Let him always be shirtless.

The Bella; this is ALL your fault bonfire

awwwkwarddd

Oh wait – are we in La Push again? Ooops. Well – you know how I feel about that.

You'll Always Be My Bella

for the record
im totally gonna make a tshirt quilt

THAT was perfect.

Face Punch 2.0


I hate the Puppy. I hated him even more after this scene. And even more than that I hated the amateur “punch” sound when Bella clocked him. Really Summit? That was the BEST you could do?

Its ok though because they made it up WITH:

Angry Edward Owns Me

We all knew this before we saw Eclipse. Angry Edward owns it. As did the one line of the Puppy's that I still laugh outloud when I hear.

“I kissed Bella.

And she broke her hand.

Punching my Face.

Total Misunderstanding.”

Well you deserved it puppy. No misunderstanding about THAT.

I Envy You Bella

Want to know why she REALLY envies Bella? Because Bella has eyebrows that actually match the color of her hair.

The First Rule of Fight Club....

is to wear blue....

Whenever I saw Twilight in theatres, I always got SO excited during Vampire Baseball. The way 'Supermassive Black Hole' went perfectly with it made it just awesome. The fight training scene in Eclipse earned the same raw excitement. It was perfect. Edward looked fuckhawt; even if his pants weren't so fuckhawt. Unkle's song suddenly owned me.

And THESE TWO:

D'awwww

Dude – I totally became a fan of Jasper after this movie. Totally.One.Hundred.Percent.

That Scene Where They Almost Had Sex

I've said it before; I'll say it again
Leg Hitch FTMFW

Ok. As soon as I saw that Bella was wearing the “leg hitch clothing” I was flailing about nervously in my chair. The fact that some women in the row in front of us ACTUALLY thought they MIGHT have sex? Really? You have Team Edward tshirts on. Didn't you read the books?

So many things that I WANT to say about this scene. It was not a let down. And while I wished it had lasted longer – deep down I realize it was longer than I once expected it would be since we KNOW how Summit likes to keep things “clean”.

I loved that 'Clair de Lune' was playing when Bella arrived at the Cullens. Throwback to Twilight for the WIN. And I loved “My Love” by Sia.

And I loved that Kristen got those buttons undone in record time. Clearly she has practice with removing clothing from Rob and for that I am eternally jealous. Nonstens can shove it. She didn't get THAT good taking shirts off Jella.

When She Finally Said Yes

I cried. True story. Because I want a guy to pull me into his arms like that after I say yes one day too.

When Vamps Makeout

I LOVED those two. I LOVED this scene. I LOVED the song by Dead Weather “Rolling in on a Burning Tire”. I LOVE that everyone thinks at one point these two had crazy wild sex. Because I totally agree.

I may get hate for saying this but I thought Bryce Dallas Howard was a FAR better Victoria. Nuff said.

Finger Paintin With Blood on Trees

I madly heart this photo

Seriously. When she said:

"Since when?"

And then he said:

"Since I spent 24hrs thinking you were dead."

I pretty much melted into my chair

And then THIS happened:

does this remind anyone else of the 'Wild Things' poster?

And I closed my eyes and squeaked because dead things in lakes scare the living shit out of me.

A Human, A Vampire, and A Puppy Go Camping

sure I could have used a picture of the tent
but this one is WAY more beautiful

First of all. Have I mentioned how much I dislike the Puppy? Yes?

Can I please stress this again?

Second, Edward if you think you can't handle the fact that the Puppy is trying to steal your reason for existing just wait until he wants to bone your newborn child. Shit is about to get REAL weird.

In all seriousness though. This scene was perfect. Edward was gorgeous as per usual. There's just something about his facial expressions and the shapes his mouth makes in this scene that SLAYS me. And yes, I realize I just said “shapes his mouth makes” - bring me the straight jacket, I'll put it on myself. But come on - you totally KNOW what I'm talking about.

That Kiss We Do Not Speak Of

Because I really dont need another visual reminder

I can't and I won't. Longest 29 seconds of LIFE.

Fighting. Brooding. Fighting. Breaking Porcelain Dolls.

When I was a kid, I got a porcelain doll. One day, I took it outside and I almost dropped it on the pavement. This scared the shit out of me because I pictured its perfect white porcelain neck shattering with a horrible crack just before it ended up on the pavement with its head to the side of it.

Wait – was that from my childhood or the scene in Eclipse where Edward killed Victoria?

I'm going to chalk up this – errr – weird twist to Slade and hope it's not making a return in BD.

Breaking Jacob Into A Million Pieces

I'm not going to lie. I would have liked to have been in on the breaking of Jacob. Especially after those 29 seconds where I really wanted him to fall off a cliff.

Its a Good Thing He's BulletProof

I love those two SFM. And that is all.

Closing Thoughts?

This was Edward at his hottest. I totally did not love New Moon Edward and well, Twilight Edward is hard to beat but I think Eclipse did it.

Xavier Samuel is fuckhawt.

Bryce Dallas Howard is GORGEOUS.

David Slade is AMAZING. But I already knew that.

The soundtrack was EPIC. I listen to it every.single.day in the car.

This movie really made me hate the Puppy. Like REALLY hate the Puppy. *

*hate does not translate to Taylor. Please remember this!

And Lastly... Explain to me how I am suppose to wait a year and a half for more.

[A/N I really hope I didn't put any of you to sleep with this post. I realize its lengthy but to be honest, I wanted to get this all out and I seriously do not have enough free-time to do two seperate posts. I want to hear what you all thought of Eclipse (even though I've heard from most of you already). SECOND. I get my first paycheck this Thursday! *does happy dance* which means a take me to bliss giveaway is coming SOON. Stay Tuned. Comment lots; I hear it brings good luck! Cheers!]